I was criticised by someone a while back after I mentioned in a blog how I’d had dinner with a client from 10 years ago. It was the opinion of this therapist that ‘once a client always a client’ and there should be no shifting in the dynamic of this relationship. I couldn’t disagree more. Her opinion caused me to smile last week.
On our Diploma course we teach an advanced technique very early in the syllabus. It’s called Time Line Reconsolidation and it enables clients to revisit negative events from their past which they feel have contributed to a present issue, and change their perceptions of them in such a way that they experience a lessening of their problem – often a dramatic lessening. It’s brief and doesn’t usually involve a lot of emotion. My thinking behind teaching something so powerful so early is that they then have the longest time possible to practice it under our guidance before they qualify. Teaching them just before they start seeing ‘live’ clients doesn’t make sense to me! But I don’t expect everyone will agree with me about this either.
On the day we teach it we ask graduates of the course to give up their afternoon to come and assist so we have a ratio of 1 assistant to every 3 students (we already have assistants who come every weekend to mentor the group, at a ratio of 1 to 6). Such is the spirit within Quest that we always have more volunteers than we have places, and as I look at them gather I am always tremendously proud of the expertise that has emerged over the years from the efforts they’ve made to become able to help people change. While I’m available to help, it’s very rare that I have to.
What made me smile on this occasion was that the past client of mine in question, Chloe Cook, was one of our assistants. As her group of three took it in turns to be client, therapist and observer, I noticed that the student who was the client had tapped into an event that was obviously upsetting. In common with the whole group she had been briefed that she, like any client of ours, was completely in charge of the session and could halt it at any time, but she was choosing to continue.
Chloe had stepped in and was guiding her through the process. I couldn’t hear a word of it because I find that stepping too close can be distracting for them, but I was able to observe the intterplay between everyone in the group. I was impressed by the complete attention the other students were paying to the exercise. I was impressed by the courage of the client. And I was almost overwhelmed with pride watching Chloe’s body language. She looked almost serene as she guided her client, intent and focused without a hint of tension in the face of her client’s tears, all the way to a successful resolution.
I met her as a confused and unhappy 17 year old. Ten years on she’s a mother of three, working as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist (specialising in eating disorders) who gives her time one weekend a month, unpaid, to help students on the course realise their own potential. And yet, apparently, I should still keep Chloe in a place I worked with her to escape from. I don’t think so. We’re all fellow strugglers, and often that struggle helps us find within ourselves something that can transform our life, and that of others. None of us are who we’re going to be yet, and we can choose to become more, or less. I think the relationship between therapist and client should reflect the growth of the client. It’s not about working without boundaries, it’s about the boundaries moving as they do.
I left the training room grateful for the people I’ve met thought Quest; their courage, their persistence and their spirit, represented by every single assistant. I wondered who in the room of students I would see one day working as well as Chloe – it’s possible for all of them – and I wondered what further transformations I have to look forward to in other clients. I really have a great job.
Heartfelt as Always Trevor and a real congratulations of growth which is what life and the Quest approach,to me is about.
Chloe is inspirational and I love reading her blogs as much as I do yours so thank you to you both for that!
Have a fantastic day 🙂
It’s something that has always amazed me in your thinking because it goes so much against ‘traditional’ thinking and yet it makes total sense. This belief that everyone has the resources within them to become whatever they want to be fully honours each of us as individuals and the logical progression has to be that you treat people in a way they choose to be treated by the way they present themselves. So if a 17 year old grows into both a mother and cognitive hypnotherapist why would you still treat them as a 17 year old?
Because of your approach you get to enjoy many moments like you’ve described above and get something out of your relationships with your clients that many people miss out on.
Great post again.
It certainly wouldnt have been appropriate to take Chloe to dinner 10 years ago but why not now when she is not that frightened little girl anymore but , as you have pointed out , a grown up mother of 3.
As for the lady who wants to keep her position as therapist even when her clients have moved on and changed and dont need her help any more ? Well as we say in Quest ‘ Whats that all about ??’
“once a client – always a client” – whether the client likes it not! It never fails to amaze me how some therapists think they can keep clients in a box and that they should stay exactly where they are. Does that mean that clients should never develop themselves like so many Quest trained therapists have. For me Trevor it would be unethical to do anything other than encourage clients to make the transition from being a client to whatever they chose to be. And that includes choosing who their friends are and what they agree to be shared “for the greater good”.